Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

top five: d-list celebs i would be-friend

In Uncategorized on July 25, 2010 at 10:01 am

top five:  d-list celebs I would be-friend (or my campiest “besties”)

  1. Khloe Kardashian
  2. Tammy Faye Bakker (rest in peace)
  3. The guy who plays the “sun” in the Jimmy Deam commercials (side note: literally as I write this, the commercial came on…kismet? fate? yup!)
  4. Alton Brown
  5. A.J.Langer (aka Ray Ann Graff)

It's always sunnier with sausage.


top five: old school mtv celebs where-are-they now?

In Uncategorized on July 23, 2010 at 4:48 am

top five: old school  mtv celebs where are they now (or to save the integrity of this post, I’m not EVEN gonna look these up on Wikipedia!)

  1. Tabitha Soren
  2. Kurt Loder
  3. Jesse Camp
  4. Kennedy
  5. Matt Pinfield

Thats enough out of you, Kennedy!

top five: musicals that mean [something]

In Uncategorized on July 23, 2010 at 4:37 am

top five: musicals that mean [something] (or how to succeed at a gay bar without really trying)

  1. Jesus Christ Superstar
  2. Into the Woods
  3. Rent (yeah, so? also known as my personal escort through years 96-99)
  4. West Side Story (for a while, this was the closest broadway got to Puerto Rico, without having to-God forbid- cast a Puerto Rican)
  5. Last Five Years (so weird how Jason Robert Brown wrote my biography 5 years before I lived it. he’s like a futuristic voyeur. what a wonderful creep!)

    Judas, must you betray me with a kiss?

top five: reasons why I’m getting a Vespa

In Uncategorized on July 21, 2010 at 5:31 am

top five: Reasons I’m getting a Vespa (or if I blog it, it will be mine…right?)

  1. Through the store front window, I could hear the powder blue scooter calling my name
  2. They get 100 miles to the gallon
  3. Wearing a helmet atop a scooter is about the hottest thing next to a “down dog” on a yoga mat
  4. No more self conscious panic attacks while trying to parallel park
  5. Biker chicks.

i'm putting my coins in the piggy bank and the fountain for one of these.

top five: party themes

In Uncategorized on July 20, 2010 at 5:06 am

top five: party themes (or now that’s MY kind of party!)

  1. Boxcar Hobo Party
  2. Catholic Lite Party
  3. Farm Animal Party
  4. Come as Your Favorite Contraceptive Party
  5. Breakfast Cereal Party

Condoms make great Costumes!

top five: things Jessica Jane and Irreplaceables will do in their NEW rehearsal space!

In Uncategorized on July 19, 2010 at 4:45 pm

top five: things Jessica Jane and the Irreplaceables will do in their new rehearsal space (or: no more jamming while whispering- so as not to awaken the neighbors)

  1. Make bad-ass music
  2. Decorate our new space with posters of Led Zeppelin, Nude-y women dressed like fairies, and the poster from the 1995 Drew Barrymore/Chris O’Donnell film: “Mad Love”
  3. Fight with each other till we go solo citing “Artistic Differences”, then all practice different songs in the same room, separated by masking tape lines, drawn on the floor
  4. Actually move in to the 10′ x 11′ studio, when our wives kick us out of the house
  5. Go hungry after realizing we no longer have the luxury of Alex’s fiance, Arielle’s delicious cupcakes to feed us.

    The Irreplaceables have a new rehearsal space! Now we have no choice but to sound good.

Top Five: Karaoke Jams from last night

In Uncategorized on July 18, 2010 at 8:43 pm

Top Five: Karaoke Jams from last night ( or “Anybody can be in a band at 3 a.m. at the Hidden Cove, Chicago!”)

  1. “Who Will Save Your Soul” -Jewel, as sung by yours truly…duh.
  2. “Last of the Famous International Playboys”-Morrissey as sung by that cute girl with a side pony and hipster glasses
  3. “Hold On”- Wilson Phillips, as sung with gusto by the hilarious random Hidden Cove patron, “Greg” (special thanks to Matty for giving him my phone number. That 3 text- courtship was the longest relationship I’ve had this year!  Love was IN the air!)
  4. “Toxic”- Britney Spears, as sung by the not-a-girl-not-yet-a-woman, Debbie Leopold
  5. “That’s Amore”, Dean Martin, as sung by Matty and his tribute to the Olive Garden

At first yr like: "Morrissey at Karaoke?", weird! And then yr like: "Hipster girl, that was a good call!"

    top five: Ways to Pass the Time When You Call in Sick

    In Uncategorized on July 15, 2010 at 5:31 pm

    Top Five: Ways to Pass the Time When You Call in Sick (or “other” things to do horizontally…)

    1. Compare your sordid life with those of the contestants on “Price is Right”
    2. Wonder why Whoopi decided to wear that on “The View”
    3. Choreograph dance combinations to Robbie Williams’ song: “Let Me Entertain You”
    4. Use your hairbrush and bathrobe as sound system and costuming choices for #3
    5. Watch Youtube videos on “how to” play the “G#m chord” on the guitar

    Boys on the Side

    top five: Things that May Happen to Lindsay in Jail

    In Uncategorized on July 14, 2010 at 4:35 pm

    top five: Things that may happen to Lindsay Lohan in Jail (or Lindsay’s Folsom Prison Blues)

    1. Convert to Judaism
    2. Samantha Ronson conjugal visits are no longer necessary.  The slammer’s gonna turn this one fish into five thousand!
    3. Join a prison gang that goes by the simple name: “Mean Girls”.          Wit-tay!
    4. Pass the time by playing connect-the-dots with her freckles.
    5. Knit a fun line of ankle bracelet monitor covers.

    Confessions of a Chain Gang

    top five: Inspirational Cleaning Songs

    In Uncategorized on July 13, 2010 at 11:35 am

    top five: inspirational  cleaning songs (or songs that make you dance with a mop like Amy Szalinski in “Honey I Shrunk the Kids”)

    1. “Jump” Madonna
    2. “Little Bird” Annie Lennox
    3. “Barons of Suburbia” Tori Amos
    4. “Freedom 90” George Michael
    5. “And She Was” Talking Heads

      When I clean, I just gotta have a little faith, faith, faith.