In Uncategorized on July 25, 2010 at 10:01 am
top five: d-list celebs I would be-friend (or my campiest “besties”)
- Khloe Kardashian
- Tammy Faye Bakker (rest in peace)
- The guy who plays the “sun” in the Jimmy Deam commercials (side note: literally as I write this, the commercial came on…kismet? fate? yup!)
- Alton Brown
- A.J.Langer (aka Ray Ann Graff)
It's always sunnier with sausage.
In Uncategorized on July 23, 2010 at 4:48 am
top five: old school mtv celebs where are they now (or to save the integrity of this post, I’m not EVEN gonna look these up on Wikipedia!)
- Tabitha Soren
- Kurt Loder
- Jesse Camp
- Matt Pinfield
Thats enough out of you, Kennedy!
In Uncategorized on July 23, 2010 at 4:37 am
top five: musicals that mean [something] (or how to succeed at a gay bar without really trying)
- Jesus Christ Superstar
- Into the Woods
- Rent (yeah, so? also known as my personal escort through years 96-99)
- West Side Story (for a while, this was the closest broadway got to Puerto Rico, without having to-God forbid- cast a Puerto Rican)
- Last Five Years (so weird how Jason Robert Brown wrote my biography 5 years before I lived it. he’s like a futuristic voyeur. what a wonderful creep!)
Judas, must you betray me with a kiss?
In Uncategorized on July 21, 2010 at 5:31 am
top five: Reasons I’m getting a Vespa (or if I blog it, it will be mine…right?)
- Through the store front window, I could hear the powder blue scooter calling my name
- They get 100 miles to the gallon
- Wearing a helmet atop a scooter is about the hottest thing next to a “down dog” on a yoga mat
- No more self conscious panic attacks while trying to parallel park
- Biker chicks.
i'm putting my coins in the piggy bank and the fountain for one of these.
In Uncategorized on July 20, 2010 at 5:06 am
top five: party themes (or now that’s MY kind of party!)
- Boxcar Hobo Party
- Catholic Lite Party
- Farm Animal Party
- Come as Your Favorite Contraceptive Party
- Breakfast Cereal Party
Condoms make great Costumes!
In Uncategorized on July 19, 2010 at 4:45 pm
top five: things Jessica Jane and the Irreplaceables will do in their new rehearsal space (or: no more jamming while whispering- so as not to awaken the neighbors)
- Make bad-ass music
- Decorate our new space with posters of Led Zeppelin, Nude-y women dressed like fairies, and the poster from the 1995 Drew Barrymore/Chris O’Donnell film: “Mad Love”
- Fight with each other till we go solo citing “Artistic Differences”, then all practice different songs in the same room, separated by masking tape lines, drawn on the floor
- Actually move in to the 10′ x 11′ studio, when our wives kick us out of the house
- Go hungry after realizing we no longer have the luxury of Alex’s fiance, Arielle’s delicious cupcakes to feed us.
The Irreplaceables have a new rehearsal space! Now we have no choice but to sound good.
In Uncategorized on July 18, 2010 at 8:43 pm
Top Five: Karaoke Jams from last night ( or “Anybody can be in a band at 3 a.m. at the Hidden Cove, Chicago!”)
- “Who Will Save Your Soul” -Jewel, as sung by yours truly…duh.
- “Last of the Famous International Playboys”-Morrissey as sung by that cute girl with a side pony and hipster glasses
- “Hold On”- Wilson Phillips, as sung with gusto by the hilarious random Hidden Cove patron, “Greg” (special thanks to Matty for giving him my phone number. That 3 text- courtship was the longest relationship I’ve had this year! Love was IN the air!)
- “Toxic”- Britney Spears, as sung by the not-a-girl-not-yet-a-woman, Debbie Leopold
- “That’s Amore”, Dean Martin, as sung by Matty and his tribute to the Olive Garden
At first yr like: "Morrissey at Karaoke?", weird! And then yr like: "Hipster girl, that was a good call!"
In Uncategorized on July 15, 2010 at 5:31 pm
Top Five: Ways to Pass the Time When You Call in Sick (or “other” things to do horizontally…)
- Compare your sordid life with those of the contestants on “Price is Right”
- Wonder why Whoopi decided to wear that on “The View”
- Choreograph dance combinations to Robbie Williams’ song: “Let Me Entertain You”
- Use your hairbrush and bathrobe as sound system and costuming choices for #3
- Watch Youtube videos on “how to” play the “G#m chord” on the guitar
Boys on the Side
In Uncategorized on July 14, 2010 at 4:35 pm
top five: Things that may happen to Lindsay Lohan in Jail (or Lindsay’s Folsom Prison Blues)
- Convert to Judaism
- Samantha Ronson conjugal visits are no longer necessary. The slammer’s gonna turn this one fish into five thousand!
- Join a prison gang that goes by the simple name: “Mean Girls”. Wit-tay!
- Pass the time by playing connect-the-dots with her freckles.
- Knit a fun line of ankle bracelet monitor covers.
Confessions of a Chain Gang
In Uncategorized on July 13, 2010 at 11:35 am
top five: inspirational cleaning songs (or songs that make you dance with a mop like Amy Szalinski in “Honey I Shrunk the Kids”)
- “Jump” Madonna
- “Little Bird” Annie Lennox
- “Barons of Suburbia” Tori Amos
- “Freedom 90” George Michael
- “And She Was” Talking Heads
When I clean, I just gotta have a little faith, faith, faith.