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Archive for June, 2010|Monthly archive page

top five: things i don’t want to be locked in a small room with

In Uncategorized on June 29, 2010 at 4:54 pm

top five: things i don’t want to be stuck in a small room with (or, the deleted scenes from Jessica Jane’s Fear Factor)

  1. Cockroaches
  2. Goat Cheese
  3. Glenn Beck
  4. A recording of that song, “Give a Little Bit”, as covered by the Goo Goo Dolls
  5. Glenn Beck singing “Give a Little Bit” while eating Goat Cheese stuffed Cockroaches.

"Give a Little Bit...Give a Little Bit of my Love to You."

top five: Reality Shows I Would Quit Work to Watch…All. Day. Long.

In Uncategorized on June 29, 2010 at 3:27 am

top five: Reality Shows I Would Quit Work to Watch…All. Day. Long. (or What I Would Do With My Time, Should I Ever Evolve into a Late Career Jim Morrison)

  1. Pretty Wild.  It got sexy, barely legal, privileged and entitled Hollywood sisters who run around naked, robbing Marc Jacobs purses from young celebrities.  I shall be so lucky if I get a chance to birth daughters half as cool.
  2. Intervention. It’s totally f-ed up.  And makes me feel guilty to watch while drinking a beer.
  3. Tough Love. (Not the “Couples” version), this show actually gave great advice on dating, and really confirmed my high self esteem.
  4. Surreal Life. Remember the one with “China Doll”?  I’ve got a real warm heart for G-list celebrities given a second chance.
  5. Breaking Bonaduce. I used to watch this child-star clusterf**k classic all the time.  What a fantastic example of co-dependence.

Redheads are capricious and full of drama. Just ask any given ex-boyfriend of mine.

top five: Ways to Make a Post-Vacation Sunday evening “Blues-Free”

In Uncategorized on June 28, 2010 at 4:22 am

Top Five:  Ways to Make a Post-Vacation Sunday evening “Blues-Free”

  1. Make a to-do list of all the things you want to get done before you go back to work.  And then do ‘none of them.
  2. Find some old, frozen, freezer-burned faux chicken patties, eat them for dinner.  Then ordering Pad Thai for a second dinner.
  3. Take a nap.  And then take another nap.
  4. Watch Clueless on Demand.  And then leave quotes from the movie on your friend’s Facebook pages.
  5. Settle to write rather lame Top-Five Post.  Yo, this blog project involves 365 days. They cant all be gems.

Do you like Billie Holiday?/I LOVE him.

top five: Lessons for single ladies at 5, 280 feet above sea level (Jennifer & Jessica’s Lessons on Colorado Love)

In Uncategorized on June 27, 2010 at 5:03 am

top five: Lessons for single ladies at 5, 280 feet above sea level (Jennifer & Jessica’s Lessons on Colorado Love)

  1. “Hey, I know you’re not from around here, but up here in Estes Park, a girl could really suffer from Hypothermia, especially in June.  On an hour horseback ride. Thankfully, I know how to cure Hypothermia: get naked with me
  2. Fact: When you get lost outside of Denver, pull into the local Lumber store, and ask for the guy who sells Solar Energy Panels.  He’s bound to draw a map…to your heart.
  3. “Hey boys, despite my best friend’s butchy sports bra, she’s actually single, ready to mingle, and can ride a horse (need i say more? HOT)”
  4. Fact: If you talk incessantly to your horse wrangler, instead of enjoying the peaceful solitude of nature, you WILL get asked to Kountry Karaoke, tonight.
  5. Again, Denver-area “Capture the Flag” football games are a HOTSPOT for freshly legal 18 year olds.  Who needs a prom date?

Jen mistakes a tree for a mountain man.

top five: things to do in Denver when you’re (a) RED (head)

In Uncategorized on June 25, 2010 at 3:00 pm

top five: things to do in Denver when you’re (a) Red (head)….or Denver, Day II:

  1. Red Rocks Amphitheater– a gorgeous outdoor  music venue, naturally formed by huge, red rocks.  Jessica Jane and the Irreplaceables are surely set to open for Widespread Panic.  Waiting for a callback.
  2. Hiking 3 1/2 miles to the top of a mountain in the Arapaho National Forrest, doing yoga poses on a rock, napping in the rain, and coming back down the mountain. Jessica completes a task!  Also, I wasn’t too thwarted by coming in contact with  a HUGE snake (which gets bigger everytime I tell the story).  Boy, I’ve had my training with HUGE snakes. heh.heh.heh.
  3. Being invited to a late night game of  “Capture the Flag”, with the cool Denver area high school boys: some of which, we were told, “may be eighteen years old!”.
  4. Actually considering number 3, (for a second).
  5. Sleeping outside Friday night! ON PURPOSE! 🙂

    Colorado makes your Namaste look so easy.

top five: epiphanies uncovered on our first day in denver

In Uncategorized on June 24, 2010 at 3:43 pm

Top five: Epiphanies discovered on our first day in Denver

  1. The air is much, much, clearer up here.
  2. Starbucks are hard to find, but a polite local is not!
  3. Hot Springs really do have healing properties, and the sulfur can feel like sugarcane.
  4. There is NOTHING funny about nightly condo rentals called “Beaver Village”. Nothing.
  5. You can take your suit off in a 105 degree sulfur and magnesium pool with your hot, Jewish best friend and it really can be completely platonic.  Well, almost completely.

City Beaver/Country Beaver

top five: grossest ways to go

In Uncategorized on June 23, 2010 at 10:13 pm

top five: grossest ways to meet your maker

  1. Falling off the Empire States Building and getting your eyelid caught on the spike of the collar of a Pug.
  2. Being eaten alive by cockroaches, that have been dyed rainbow colors in honor of June, Pride month.
  3. Any method, by any given Heather, from the 1988 film Heathers (corn nuts, optional)
  4. An achy, break-y heart.
  5. Being set afire by Zooey Deschanel’s laser doe eyes.

And if you tell my heart...he might blow up and kill this man.

top five: hangover foods

In Uncategorized on June 22, 2010 at 10:49 pm

top five: hangover foods (or foods to eat when you wake up next to “that” guy, and got a scorching case of the spins…but hopefully not a scorching case of something else)

  1. Micheladas (a fabulous beer drink, similar to a bloody mary), with salt
  2. Barbacoa and Big Red (I don’t eat meat, but it sounds healing), with salt
  3. Potbelly’s Veggie sandwich, with everything on it, with salt
  4. Coca-Cola, from the fountain, at 7-11, with salt
  5. Quesadillas, topped with cheese, with a side of cheese, with salt

That's right, you're not from Texas. Texas doesn't want you, anyway.

top five: dream tattoos (but won’t ever get, so as not to hamper my chances of being buried in a jewish cemetery)

In Uncategorized on June 21, 2010 at 10:38 pm

top five dream tatts:

  1. An owl.
  2. The Chicago flag.
  3. a tribal band (duh, a given).
  4. a Tori Amos quote
  5. “Tattoo” from Fantasy Island.

herve villechaize is the kind of tattoo that stays fresh beyond its years.

top five: reasons to start a 365 top five blog

In Uncategorized on June 20, 2010 at 5:20 am

top five reasons to start a 365 top five blog:

  1. blogging is like, so 2004, and like any trend, I like to wait till it’s, like, over, before I start. like, omg, fer-sure!
  2. the content of your top five lists separate the men from the Republicans when you are on a first date.
  3. five-a-day seems non-committal enough to commit to.
  4. i need another reason to not work, while at work.
  5. if it worked for the food pyramid, it shall work me.

    Five-a-day!